Picking up Lindsay

When you're with a famous Swedish celebrity like Thor Hushovd, you will be granted access everywhere. And this morning was no exception to the rule. Thor briskly managed to get us past security at the hospital, and we found my friend Lindsay Lohan, on the brink of recovery.

- Let's take her with us, Thor proposed.

- How? I asked. We only have two bikes.

- I have a solution. Remember I am a bike mechanic, Thor twixed. And so he "borrowed" a baby seat from the pediatric ward.

And the result speaks for itself. The picture above is taken by a helpful lesbian called Bustia, who were on her way to a gay parade in Berlin.

We decide to go cycling there with her. After all, I am tired of speaking franchise. Let's go to Duchland, my second home away from home. (I speak duch fluently).

This is now our route:

Yes, it is him.

It is another famous X-games celebrity, the notorious swede Thor Hushovd, riding his bike.

- Kan jag cykla med dig, I ask in his own dialect.

- Klart du kan, he answers back.

Having anticipated visitors, Thor always brings an extra bike, as he just loves his sport, BMX, and wants to share it with everyone he meets. Ever since he worked as a bike mechanic in Tour de France ages ago in 1995, he stranded here in Montlucon, being the final destination for le Tour. Thor was completely broke after the tournament, and started a career for himself as a professional bike rider here in the outskirts of Montlucon.

This whole setting is rather dreamlike. I am here, riding with international BMX-guru Thor Hushovd. From Sweden. Wow. I can only say it again. Wowsers.

Going for a stroll

After having had lunch with Bjarne and the rest of the Norwegian punkrock band D.D.E., I find it's time to not overstay my welcome. After all, this is a secret hideout for the rock stars, and as I do not wish to disclose the very location of their whereabouts, I take a secret dirt road back to the city centre.

Suddenly, like a bolt out of the blue, comes this fellow riding his BMX like a genuine pro:

I am moving closer, taking care not to reveal myself. Who could this person be, he looks rather familiar.

Fun with Bjarne and Casper

After giving me a private tour around the museum, Bjarne took me home to his secret D.D.E. headquarters in Montlucon, where I met his good friend, Casper (to the right).
We hung out the entire night, drank Bjarnes orange "karsk"-juice and playing entertaining, yet educating charades.

It's amazing how much fun three guys in a hot tub can have without even touching drugs.

Norwegian rock'n'roll-star found

After following road signs, ending up in dead ends, going back again and starting fresh, I finally made my way to the Musée des Musiques Populaires in Montlucon. Which is franchise "for museum of Rock'n'roll".

I gently snuck inside, fearing that the rock'n'roll icon Bjarne Brøndbo of Norwegian Supergroup D.D.E. would be shy and private, not very eager to meet ordinary people. After all, when you're this big, you tend to grow a blasé attitude.

How wrong I was!

Here Bjarne was, standing in the midst of a crowd, lecturing on popular musical instruments, the use of the accordion in rock music and the advantages a rock star, like himself, benefits from when meeting women.

What a guy. And here I was, standing but a few feet away from this rock'n'roll legend.

And all the guys listened keenly to the master, nodding and taking notes. I took a picture.

click to enlarge

Finding secret french headquarters of Norwegian supergroup D.D.E.

(click to enlarge)

I need a job. Maybe I could be a bartender in the Google Taskbar? Then again, you meet very, very few people up there on the menu line. So why not a job in France? After all, I speak franchise pretty buoné.

Having strolled down to the local Adecco in Montlucon (finding that this city has absolutely nothing to offer, other than innumerable busloads of tranquility and of course the cunning "you should go and see the old city"-trick. But honestly, how many medieval city centres can you bare to walk through in your life?), I find that I could use some tranquility and perhaps a stroll in the old, medieval centre. Perhaps I should get a souvenir or a t-shirt?

And then, just outside the Adecco office, I find a sign that says: D.D.E. I knew it. The Norwegian supergroup D.D.E. has got a secret headquarter in this little town of 40,000 inhabitants for one reason only: Lead singer Bjarne can walk publicly in the streets without being resolutely attacked by menopausean, eager to copulate leopard-tight dressed cougars.

Google Streetview won't allow me to go in that direction, however, so I will have to switch to Google maps instead. And then some advanced search.

Bjarne, I am on to you!

The descent

- Is it the hospital chimney we can see down there, Sharptaste?
- Yes it is. We'll get you there in one piece, Lindsay.
- Oh, I think I have to puke.
- Hold it in. I wouldn't be able to see properly.
- *Hurgh*

(Click to see our landing site in Google Street View)

And this is the last I saw of her. I tried to visit her later on the same morning, but was held off by bodyguards and mean looking lawyers, threatening to sue me for cutting and pasting her on board that plane. Oh well. No autograph. Merely a drink. But hey, who on earth can brag about a parachute jump with the actress from Just My Luck?